Video Me Wiser

I Want To Feel Again…

I want to feel like a child again… Get excited over the little things and not worry so much about life… work… money… bills… excelling at anything…

I haven’t got excited over anything recently or been overjoyed to the point where I dance…. I haven’t felt that…

My innocence is gone and my youth is still here but the carefree youth is gone too…

I want to get excited over something…

Something that’s nice and happy and simple and not stressful…

I Want To ****en Dance Right Now!

I wish I could get up off my butt and head over to a Rave or Dance Club right now and get my groove on!

Feel the beat of the music running through my blood like the caffeine does from my coffee. Feel the pulse of the system and let it rock my world. Let it rock….

Quick Update: New Projects!!!!

Well here I go again. Confidence gained and a mandatory date with my destiny… I started off today with a call home to my parents trying to wish my mama a Happy Mother’s Day. But she was asleep so my padre answered. And it was refreshing that we were on the same page for once. I need to finish my film career degree and then go from there. See where I am at in this degree and make it out of college with that. My parents can’t afford anymore and the subsidiary that I’m getting from my padre is about to run out unless something drastic and epic happens with the school where he works.. But it seems that it’s going out of business and without that 70% subsidiary I will be forced to take out much more intense loans than previously hoped for. So one more year for me…

However this gives me a chance to work hard that one year to finish my degree and get to work during the summer on an internship for either Disney Animation Studios or Disney Studios. I will be working on getting internships anywhere possible but the mentaility that I desperately crave and have been missing out on in the film department is one of love and caring and happiness that may or may not be unnatural for most people in this day and age but I really require that as a part of my life… So that’s what I’m going to aim for…. Let’s do this!!!

Events in my life Future and Past:

• New girlfriend, new problems… Well worth it though to help me feel again. Learning how people are and how they react to situations helps me understand why relationships are so important to humans…. I never really felt the need to need someone… and being in relationships never really proved me wrong in not needing someone… I always was well off on my own… But now I’m with someone who is well off on her own as well… Even though I’m kind of turning her into someone a little more needy because of my own neediness and control issues. So we shall see how she takes it in the long run… We shall need to work together and I always imagine a perfect relationship as people who compliment each other rather than lose themselves and who they are because they are worried what the other may think of them… Bump that! Be you! And Imma be me!
• I know for my own personal sake I need to work more, be less needy and be more successful because I’ve been wasting my time a little too much with video games and social events. I miss the success of my own person that used to bring me so much confidence… So here we go again… Think tank! Isolation! Progress in my field and my vision of my own life! (Yes I know you will be reading this Arielle… )
• Summer is coming along and I wish to work on other projects! I have so much I wish to do and that I want to succeed at! But the question is how… Where do I start. I need to start somewhere I suppose… So I’m asking around on how to progress in such a field… Time to send out some emails and ask some intense questions…

…..End of Part 1… I need to work so I shall be back with more…

Everyone is having a spiritual revival? How long will it last? My hope for a long lasting spiritual revival/regeneration of my own religion as well as anyone else’s is as deep as a pond during the drought…

My life may not be the happiest or most well groomed. But I do get so much joy to see people happy…

I’m a hopeless romantic, giving it my all,

I’m bleeding from my heart awhole, and I’m about to fall.

Fall hard….

I like our late night conversations….. They make me feel special…..

I’ve lost all belief in myself. What I stand for. What I dream of… And I’ve overwhelmed myself to the point where my grades have taken a toll and I’ve lost my confidence. My fire….

I’ve lost myself and I need help finding it but I can’t ask for help because I’m too proud to ask anyone. So I ultimately will end up sitting in this rut if I don’t grow some balls and ask for help….

I Need A Break….

Yup, that’s pretty much it ya’ll… I’m stressin and falling behind… Not enjoying myself…

So I just want to listen to Hawaiian music and try to imagine myself…..yea….

Oh well….

Not complaining about it… :) Or not trying to… Life is beautiful! Just tired right now.. :/